The Heart of the Matter
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I did, with my family of choice.....all recovering people. However the Tuesday after the holiday, I got some not-so-good news from my doctor. I had a PULS Cardiac Test. It is a very new test that measures the risk of a cardiac event. It measures proteins, other markers, lifestyle, and considers weight, glucose/insulin readings, smoking drinking etc. I have a "heart-age" of someone in their 80's! I was devastated. My doctor was frustrated because there was nothing that I needed to discontinue in my life, or anything that I wasn't doing that I should be doing. I don't drink or smoke, do not drink caffeinated coffee, haven't eaten ice cream for almost 5 years, no candy, desserts, soft drinks, no gluten/wheat/flour. I am at the gym 6-7 days per week, I meditate and attend recovery meetings. I have started yoga classes 3 times per week. I saw a cardiologist. I didn't learn anything new from her. I have had no symptoms, but something that test saw sent up an unnerving warning. The unaddressed culprit is the STRESS in my life, and I have a lot of it primarily where my family of origin is concerned.
So. I am going on as always, after a week of being in shock and fear, planning my funeral, and other precautions. Okay, maybe I didn't PLAN my funeral, but I thought about it a lot. I asked myself, 'do I have any unfinished business?' Well, after my significant other notified my mother and brother about my health, and getting not even a response from my brother that related to the long email, I decided that I needed to remove some highly toxic people from my life. My Al-Anon sponsor put a restriction on me for a minimum of three months--I am to have no contact with my mother or brother. I was already estranged from my mother for the last couple of years. Nonetheless, she sent me a card the day before Thanksgiving shaming me for her "being in the situation that she was in".....and that being that her daughter will not see her at the assisted living house where she lives. She is a vicious woman, and has terrorized me all my life. No more. My brother is very un-affirming and emotionally-unavailable to me. Very dismissive. So, I cannot see him nor my stepsons for at least three months. My stepsons are very dysfunctional: one is a rageaholic, and the other is a drinking alcoholic/rageaholic.
In removing these people from my life, I have felt a peace that is beginning to permeate other areas of my life. I like this new-found serenity, as small as it is. I have control over the majority of upset that does or doesn't enter into my world. Yes, I know it is the Christmas season, but my physical and mental health are more important to me than keeping up appearances for the sake of "family" !! I am grateful that there are people in my life who have my back, and that I can rely on them for sound advice. I am trying to rid my body of the toxins that are diminishing my health. I am benefiting so much from Al-Anon. I am very blessed. I am also overdosing on Hallmark Christmas movies....AND THAT'S OKAY.
So. I am going on as always, after a week of being in shock and fear, planning my funeral, and other precautions. Okay, maybe I didn't PLAN my funeral, but I thought about it a lot. I asked myself, 'do I have any unfinished business?' Well, after my significant other notified my mother and brother about my health, and getting not even a response from my brother that related to the long email, I decided that I needed to remove some highly toxic people from my life. My Al-Anon sponsor put a restriction on me for a minimum of three months--I am to have no contact with my mother or brother. I was already estranged from my mother for the last couple of years. Nonetheless, she sent me a card the day before Thanksgiving shaming me for her "being in the situation that she was in".....and that being that her daughter will not see her at the assisted living house where she lives. She is a vicious woman, and has terrorized me all my life. No more. My brother is very un-affirming and emotionally-unavailable to me. Very dismissive. So, I cannot see him nor my stepsons for at least three months. My stepsons are very dysfunctional: one is a rageaholic, and the other is a drinking alcoholic/rageaholic.
In removing these people from my life, I have felt a peace that is beginning to permeate other areas of my life. I like this new-found serenity, as small as it is. I have control over the majority of upset that does or doesn't enter into my world. Yes, I know it is the Christmas season, but my physical and mental health are more important to me than keeping up appearances for the sake of "family" !! I am grateful that there are people in my life who have my back, and that I can rely on them for sound advice. I am trying to rid my body of the toxins that are diminishing my health. I am benefiting so much from Al-Anon. I am very blessed. I am also overdosing on Hallmark Christmas movies....AND THAT'S OKAY.
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