Constant Change (What I have been doing since July 2011)
I have something that I need to get off my chest. I have posted twice in the last 2 days, but before that not since July 2011. Why? What was going on that was so important? Was I still doing web-design? Was I writing? What was so important?
I started Al-Anon on May of 2011. I was having a terrible time with a few relationships in my life, and I needed some help. I had been 22 years in another 12-Step program of recovery, and I was very thankful for that solid foundation of knowledge. In June 2011, my step-father was diagnosed with lung cancer and subsequently died on Nov. 5, 2011. I published my first book "Prepare for the Harvest" just 4 days earlier. My celebrating was cut short. In caring fore my mother, who had developed Impaired Cognitive Function, I had to make many unpopular decisions, according to family members. Her driving privileges were removed; she opted to go into a very nice retirement home and I had to sell her house. There was a lawsuit we were immersed in with my step-family, and all ties were severed when it was over in August 2012. Justice was served, and we won that lawsuit. So much for a 26-year old marriage...oh, but all the ugliness, hate and venom I experienced. It was horrible. Their homestead was sold in April 2013. I was in the process of losing what ended up to be 40 pounds....doctor invoked.
By Fall 2013, my mother was so much of a handful, with her affairs (even after the lawsuit) and moods and anger, that I had to take a hiatus from her. I did not interact with her until Oct. 2014. I was solid in my recovery, but my health was not good as I was suffering from Adrenal Fatigue, as was diagnosed by my new doctor. I got myself back in better health (with diet and working out), had been attending a meditation group weekly since June 2010, was attending recovery workshops and meetings, doing service work, staying in therapy, and promoting my meditation book I had published. In January 2014, I had joint replacement and fusings performed on my right hand. In April 2014, I visited my brother in California for a week, returned to surgery on my left hand. In May of 2014, I found a house I liked and we bought it in the summer. Renovation of this 60+ year old house lasted until early December 2014. Added to that was a last-minute trip to California in October 2014 for my brother's wedding. We moved into the newly-completed home on Halloween. I cannot say I crashed and burned after that, but since then I have been doing a lot of resting and catching up on things that have had to be put on a back burner for 3-1/2 years.
It has been good to get my life back.
What was I to do with my life now? I had trained myself in web-design, was highly-organized, and a "project-oriented" person. All I really knew that I had become proficient at was "recovery" from addiction. I had a personal website where I self-published all of my writings: poems, short-stories, essays, a novella. I had a 35-year old Master's degree in Marketing. Back in 2005, I thought that I would be doing some sort of marketing on the internet. Heck, everyone was getting involved in some sort of internet work. I just couldn't put all these unrelated activities and interests of mine into some sort of money-making venture. Since May 2004, I had been in treatment for a disorder that came along with my addiction. With the addiction arrested in 1989, the disorder was diagnosed 15 years after that. Yikes. Would it ever stop? More therapy, groups, treatment, medication, hospitalizations. Too much to handle! I kept writing. I stayed sober. I kept doing web-design. At a therapist's suggestion, I made a Webquest about my disorder, that affects after 3-4% of the population. That was in May 2009. On Sept. 2009, I was awarded Social Security Disability right out of the box. You may private message me through this blog for more information.
So here I am: a graduate degree, very computer-literate, with 25+ years of recovery, on Disability. Uh-oh. This is not where I expected to find myself on the dawn of my 7th decade. Not at all. And just how was I to spend my days chasing that elusive self-actualization? What was my purpose at this point in my life? My plans had been to be a CFO or COO of some corporation about to skyrocket into a highly successful orbit topping the Dow Jones or NASDAQ. Well, my little brother realized those dreams for himself, but I was floundering. This was not just a mid-life crisis. It was like all the laws of science and mathematics were changed; as if all street names were changed in the large metropolitan city I lived in and I suffered amnesia; I didn't know what I liked or didn't like because all my favorite foods made me sick, and I couldn't afford a new wardrobe for my ballooning, then shrinking body.
Slowly it came to me. "Do what you know." WTF. The answer because rather apparent to me. I had started a re-vamping of my life in September 2014; discarding a lot of un-useable "things" and notions. The responsibility of my mother went to my brother. All of it. I started using the word "No" a lot more to requests made of me. I quit activities that were not serving me well, and found new things to explore and try out.
My websites and blogs of 10-12 years were scrutinized, and I pared down the chaff, and expanded on "the good stuff" that was sustaining me. I found my voice.
I started Al-Anon on May of 2011. I was having a terrible time with a few relationships in my life, and I needed some help. I had been 22 years in another 12-Step program of recovery, and I was very thankful for that solid foundation of knowledge. In June 2011, my step-father was diagnosed with lung cancer and subsequently died on Nov. 5, 2011. I published my first book "Prepare for the Harvest" just 4 days earlier. My celebrating was cut short. In caring fore my mother, who had developed Impaired Cognitive Function, I had to make many unpopular decisions, according to family members. Her driving privileges were removed; she opted to go into a very nice retirement home and I had to sell her house. There was a lawsuit we were immersed in with my step-family, and all ties were severed when it was over in August 2012. Justice was served, and we won that lawsuit. So much for a 26-year old marriage...oh, but all the ugliness, hate and venom I experienced. It was horrible. Their homestead was sold in April 2013. I was in the process of losing what ended up to be 40 pounds....doctor invoked.
By Fall 2013, my mother was so much of a handful, with her affairs (even after the lawsuit) and moods and anger, that I had to take a hiatus from her. I did not interact with her until Oct. 2014. I was solid in my recovery, but my health was not good as I was suffering from Adrenal Fatigue, as was diagnosed by my new doctor. I got myself back in better health (with diet and working out), had been attending a meditation group weekly since June 2010, was attending recovery workshops and meetings, doing service work, staying in therapy, and promoting my meditation book I had published. In January 2014, I had joint replacement and fusings performed on my right hand. In April 2014, I visited my brother in California for a week, returned to surgery on my left hand. In May of 2014, I found a house I liked and we bought it in the summer. Renovation of this 60+ year old house lasted until early December 2014. Added to that was a last-minute trip to California in October 2014 for my brother's wedding. We moved into the newly-completed home on Halloween. I cannot say I crashed and burned after that, but since then I have been doing a lot of resting and catching up on things that have had to be put on a back burner for 3-1/2 years.
It has been good to get my life back.
What was I to do with my life now? I had trained myself in web-design, was highly-organized, and a "project-oriented" person. All I really knew that I had become proficient at was "recovery" from addiction. I had a personal website where I self-published all of my writings: poems, short-stories, essays, a novella. I had a 35-year old Master's degree in Marketing. Back in 2005, I thought that I would be doing some sort of marketing on the internet. Heck, everyone was getting involved in some sort of internet work. I just couldn't put all these unrelated activities and interests of mine into some sort of money-making venture. Since May 2004, I had been in treatment for a disorder that came along with my addiction. With the addiction arrested in 1989, the disorder was diagnosed 15 years after that. Yikes. Would it ever stop? More therapy, groups, treatment, medication, hospitalizations. Too much to handle! I kept writing. I stayed sober. I kept doing web-design. At a therapist's suggestion, I made a Webquest about my disorder, that affects after 3-4% of the population. That was in May 2009. On Sept. 2009, I was awarded Social Security Disability right out of the box. You may private message me through this blog for more information.
So here I am: a graduate degree, very computer-literate, with 25+ years of recovery, on Disability. Uh-oh. This is not where I expected to find myself on the dawn of my 7th decade. Not at all. And just how was I to spend my days chasing that elusive self-actualization? What was my purpose at this point in my life? My plans had been to be a CFO or COO of some corporation about to skyrocket into a highly successful orbit topping the Dow Jones or NASDAQ. Well, my little brother realized those dreams for himself, but I was floundering. This was not just a mid-life crisis. It was like all the laws of science and mathematics were changed; as if all street names were changed in the large metropolitan city I lived in and I suffered amnesia; I didn't know what I liked or didn't like because all my favorite foods made me sick, and I couldn't afford a new wardrobe for my ballooning, then shrinking body.
Slowly it came to me. "Do what you know." WTF. The answer because rather apparent to me. I had started a re-vamping of my life in September 2014; discarding a lot of un-useable "things" and notions. The responsibility of my mother went to my brother. All of it. I started using the word "No" a lot more to requests made of me. I quit activities that were not serving me well, and found new things to explore and try out.
My websites and blogs of 10-12 years were scrutinized, and I pared down the chaff, and expanded on "the good stuff" that was sustaining me. I found my voice.
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